What do you feed a tiny electric horse?

I realize that there are a number of non-tech-savvy individuals out there that can use their computers, but don't really understand how they work. To listen to some of them you would think the computer is some magical device that they expect to work all the time, like a genie they have trapped in a plastic case. That would explain why they're so ticked off when the damned thing stops granting their wishes.

I try to keep this in mind and provide a sympathetic ear when they contact the support desk to complain about everything from their screen resolution to the number of seconds it took their computer to open Facebook. Most of the time I think I even succeed.

There is one comment, however, that always confuses me:

"My Internet is down and I can't get to any web sites.

Oh yeah, my email isn't working either."

How do they think their email gets to their computers if not by the Internet? Do they not realize that the 'e' stands for electronic. Maybe these are the same people that called their ISP in the middle of hurricane Katrina to complain that they couldn't get online to check the weather reports or that call their computer's manufacturer to troubleshoot their inability to power on their desktop computer during a blackout. No matter how often I hear it (which is lots) I cannot wrap my head around it. I do, however, have a theory:

Tiny Pony Express riders

Riding the power lines of the world like the dusty trails of centuries ago. Trading stories and singing songs around a virtual campfire in a routing hub, dodging roving gangs of malware, risking their miniature lives to deliver you friend requests and ads for Viagra. I bet the little buggers even stop off at porn sites, their own tiny brothels. No wonder some email takes so long to be delivered.